examples

I was reading my previous blog over again, and a thought that had been pecking at my brain came free. "I long for the days that I can eat chocolate whenever I want and don't have to be an example to anyone..."(how many people quote their own blogs I wonder) I was reading this over and something about it twanged in my subconcious...so I paused because whenever something in my subconcious "twangs" I know I need to delve a little deeper. And it came to me quietly, this voice that speaks inside me sometimes, and said, "you will never be able to not be an example to someone." Awkward wording, I know. (Far be it from me to edit the inner voice.) I have come to understand, and I am striving to accept, that since I had children, my life is not my own. Someone will always watch me and learn from me, be it good or bad. I can hide my little decadent chocolate excursions, but there is so much that I can't hide. And if I have to hide it, then it begs a second look, doesn't it? It won't matter how old the kids get, I will always have to be an example to them. On a nice shallow level, I look forward to the times that I can have corn pops for supper and not affect anyone's digestion processes but my own. But on a deeper level, I hope that my kids will always look at my life and see one of honesty, integrity and strength - not my own strength, but the strength of my God, my Father, my Confessor, my Healer...my Life. I could not do this alone.