minimize me

Minimalist: being or offering no more than what is essential

I love this definition - because it pretty much defines me in a nutshell! I am a minimalist and make no apologies for it - well for the most part anyways :) I really and truly believe that if more people would subscribe to this way of life, there would be MUCH LESS STRESS in the world. MUCH LESS STRESS!!! I can't STRESS that enough! Of course there are always disclaimers...there are times that I like to go above and beyond the call of ...whatever it is that is calling. But most times I look at the situation, and I ask myself - "what is necessary? what can I give to this without overloading the rest of my life?" Let's look one particular situation, shall we?
SITUATION 1: Parenting
I have many friends (no you're not alone) who are overloaded and stressed out with their parenting. Why? Because this (what I call) Yuppie generation has made every parent around the ages of 30-40 believe that they have to be "all that". We must read with our child minimum of 30 minutes each day (teachers don't help in this regard either). We must play with our child - whatever they choose to play - for at LEAST 30 minutes each day. We must never say NO to our children, but rather give them other options instead. (this was HUGE when I was in Red River taking a child care course...in fact if they heard you say no during your practicum - BIG ISSUE) We must never tell them they can't, but tell them they can do something else. We must avoid temper tantrums at all costs, they must be happy children.

WHATEVER!!!! In my minimalist world, I look at what is essential. It is essential that my children grow up well adjusted, respectful (above ALL else - respectful) and knowing thier self worth. C, who is now 13, had lots of difficulty reading in his early years. Of course we spent time reading with him - we did try to read with him most school nights. But if life was just nuts, with two younger children it was bound to be - we didn't sweat it. We did what we could. Guess what? He LOVES to read now. He consumes books at an amazing rate and BEGS to go to the library! At the end of grade 4, his teacher said we were amazing and that we must have put extraordinary amounts of time reading with him. Nope. Just as much as we could handle - which probably worked out to 3 times a week. (everyone in our family LOVES to read - I think because it was modelled not pushed down their throats)

Teachers need to back off parents and let them parent the best they can without putting guilt trips on them to fit an educational agenda. Much as I am a big supporter of education, there is more to life. (just an aside - I am talking about your average joe parent with average joe kids. There are, of course, situations that need special attention. Some kids need reading intervention, and those AT RISK kids are the ones that need to read more often - but often those kids aren't even reading 3 times a week. They are lucky if they have books at home at all.)

Did I play lots with my kids? Did I bake with my kids? Did I sit and play cars or Barbies or puzzle with them? Sometimes. Did we spend lots of time as a family being together? Did they know I loved them? Do they understand the value of respecting each other and adults? Always. That is what is essential. It irritates the CRAP outta me when parents are made to believe that their children must always be happy - play what and when they want to play - do what they want to do - they must feel that they are important to you. Kids aren't being made to feel important - they're being made to beleive that they are in charge! BIG MISTAKE!! There is a whole generation of kids that are being raised to believe that they are THE BOSS. Each year at school I see it more and more. This isn't just happening outta the blue.

At the end of the day, parents need to ask themselves if all the effort is worth the payout. Meaning, will my child be better adjusted, more respectful, a better friend or brother or sister? It's like cleaning out you closet. Sometimes we need to go through our ideals and practices and throw out those that aren't really useful. Throw out someone elses definition of a good parent. Throw out obligation. Get back to basics. What you choose to keep will be important to you, but it may not be important to me. But your closet isn't my closet. I really am careful to try and make sure that my "closet" is true to me and really reflects who I am as a parent and what my ideals are. If your ideal is different than mine- that is actually okay. We don't need to agree - just give each other the space to do things our own way without the guilt.

Situation two coming soon.